There once were two guys from DC.
The West is where they sought to be.
They looked yon and hither,
Then took to the river,
And the rest is now history.
Soon their very small team expanded,
So a name their status demanded,
They took Entrada
Added Regatta
And knew a success they had landed.
15 years have now come and gone
And Team ER still paddles on.
We do it each year,
despite Larry's fear,
Our members are now 18 strong.
We have a wise swimmer named Kip,
Who decided he'd take a dip,
But the river was wider
Than it looked from beside her
He damn near didn't make the round trip.
Then there's the rafter named Dougey.
The sun was not his cup of tea.
So he'd fix up a potion
of block 55 lotion
So his skin one hardly could see.
Now Vincent is truly unique.
At the groover he wouldn't peek.
It may be the smell
On which he did dwell,
But on it he'd not set a cheek.
Then there's a Davis named Harry.
To the front right he was married.
We once tried a coup,
But arm back he drew,
Far through the air we were carried.
Quite noisy he is known to be.
It's clear when he's asleep you see.
But unlike years before,
Harry uttered no snore.
Thank good they brought a battery.
Larry is truly quite a pill.
Amazing he never fell ill.
For each year he tried
To hold it inside.
Thank the gods for Metamucil.
Rapid names are designed to scare,
Like "Satin's Gate" or "Rabid Bear."
But Larry is funny.
He'd rather "Soft Bunny,"
Or "Warm Pillow" or "County Fair."
The Air Force did one of us train.
Its effort was all of our gain.
For when the sky opened,
O'Neill set in motion,
And kept us all out of the rain.
Balancing atop his craft's bow
"Vengeance!" one colonel Mike did vow.
But his plan he'd tailor.
Airmen shouldn't play sailor.
A Combat V, O'Neill has now.
There's also Jonathan you see.
A park is where he wants to be.
So he picks all our haunts
And he gets what he wants
No shit - he heads the committee!
Jon Bluth is a strapping young buck,
Who generally has loads of luck,
But the branches were low
And the horse ignored "whoa!"
He should have remembered to duck.
There once was a Hessler called Chris,
Whose presence we truly do miss.
He tells us he'll show,
But deep down we know,
Once again we're gonna be dissed.
There was once a good bloke called Gary,
Who abandoned his friends to marry.
His choice made some sense.
Now we sit in suspense.
Will the next one to go be Larry?
David Shub joined us one Fall,
And with him we had a ball.
But he never returned,
And through him we learned,
That ER is not for all.
And then there's our teammate Brett,
Who some of you may forget.
But don't be ashamed,
For you can't be blamed.
He hasn't made one trip yet.
Aldemo he relished the thrill,
But with us he has had his fill.
So rather than admit,
His virgin year was it,
He simply returned to Brazil.
The beautiful peaks, they towered,
while through the rapids he powered.
But nothing compared
To the stories he shared.
Every ER needs a Howard.
For R.O.T.Y. some did bet
On a man who runs without sweat.
To no ones surprise
He kept Howard alive.
Ed Evans, we're all in your debt.
There once was a swimmer called Phil,
Who wasn't afraid of a chill.
He paid it no mind,
But left something behind.
Weren't those his we saw from the hill?
Now Andrew, he is the least old.
But in lakes, he proves himself bold.
Though as happens to all,
He was rendered quite small.
Don't worry, it's only the cold.
Our rookies were tough and witty,
But on them Greg took no pity.
When the time came,
He showed no shame,
And smartly bribed the Committee.
Caldera's waters roar and churn.
Our respect did Fernando earn.
For it was him
Who took the swim.
Will Michelle still let him return?
In mud his raft did mire
so Nando sought to get higher
He should have shown skin
Before jumping in.
His shirt, it would have stayed dryer.
Each trip is filled with firsts you see.
Like Davis's car battery,
And his hiking a mile
With a cane and a smile.
With new hips, who knows what we'll see.
About Michael Barnes a tale is told
Of a feat both heroic and bold.
To come out to play
He missed a birthday,
And he thought that the river was cold!
Now Barna he carried a purse.
That stuck to his side like a curse.
With excuses protean,
He claimed "it's European"!
At least it helps make us diverse.
Without Barna we'd be lost at sea
Without any credibility.
But that arrowhead logo
Always gets us where we go.
He is with the NPS you see.
In front of Bluth a car did veer
And flipped itself into the air.
Inside no one stayed.
We ran out to give aid.
But should we have taken the beer?
With visions of manly marksman fame,
Confidently he approached the range,
But his skill at the task
Prompted Nando to ask
"Jonathan, are you trying to aim?"
To Captain Larry we mean no slight,
But why does he don those tights at night?
Commitment's required.
His should be retired.
If you wear them, at least wear them right.
It must take lots of will power
For Vince to make the second hour
He wouldn't be able
If it weren't for cable
But that's what it takes to wow her.
In '08, for a brave new battle,
We mounted a ducky with paddle.
Like cavalry old,
We charged ahead bold,
But we rarely stayed in the saddle.
Kip Perry was the first to fall.
The river threw him like a doll.
But he was not last;
Vincent followed fast.
By the end, the Klamath took all.
Next came Nando, JSA, Schiff;
Like lemmings marching off a cliff.
They hit the same hole.
The river took toll.
Could they have done better? "As if!"
Never wanting to be outdone,
Doug gave the next rapid a run.
He should have paused,
Instead he caused
His biggest spill since ER-1.
Now Barna's not one for brag'n,
"I attempted Tooth of Dragon!"
He gave it a shot
'Cause Larry would not,
But since, his butt he's been drag'n
When others the rapids did pluck,
Mike Barnes stayed safe inside his duck,
Until he was removed
By a Dragon that proved
'Twas one part skill, and two parts luck
Like an admiral high upon his craft,
Harry hitched a ride atop a raft,
But it was on dry land
That he needed a hand.
He stumbled and fell flat on his aft.
Despite the pull of the river's flow,
There always are some who cannot go
Chris, Jon, and Larry
Mike, Phil, and Gary
A word, nonetheless, is apropos
Chris said that he'd be there for sure
But with his travel he did err
Not to be brash
But with his cash
You'd think he'd own a calendar!
We know how the flu can make you feel
Well it got the best of Mike O'Neill
But all was not bleak
(they said tongue in cheek)
At least he is not behind the wheel
With hopes of a new little beauty,
Philip shook way more than his booty.
With speed to beat the band,
He took matter in hand,
And valiantly discharged his duty.
The funny thing 'bout Gary C.
Is that he goes but one of three
Our down-under mate
Will just have to wait
For a shower in which to pee.
When told duckies would be our prize
Larry's absence was no great surprise
And on the first day
Though miles away
We could still see the fear in his eyes
His absence we noted with due regard,
But Jon spent ER in his own backyard.
With a wedding just ended,
Although it was splendid,
You can put just so much on a gold card.
While speeding down the Highway Five
It's just no time to brush and drive.
So at a fast clip,
This local did flip.
He's lucky to still be alive.
Standing on a cliff without fear,
Davis leaped out into the air
Like a Phoenix from ashes,
He emerged from the splashes.
With a smile that stretched ear to ear.
To avoid a tough hike, we all knew
We just need ask "what would Harry do?"
But Davis lost weight.
Now his hiking is great.
For a crutch, we'll now need someone new.
Never one to boast or brag,
Scott had his trophy in the bag
It matters not that he
Spells "provincial" with an E.
He still took the prize for most SWAG.
The Spahats hike was quite a gas
That five of the boys took a pass
But with strong grit and grip
Others made the round trip
Here's to the American Dumb-ass.
Flying down Highway 1 we were,
With Larry at the wheel, yes sir.
We took a wrong turn.
Much gas did we burn.
We damn near made it to Jasper.
In this particular instance,
Caldwell traveled quite the distance.
But we understand
It's the five year plan.
Will next year meet with resistance?
With notable care and grace,
Larry searched for any trace.
But will Ruggiero's yearning
Save JSA from burning?
It's really a matter of faith.
With an occasional wine or moan,
Larry stepped outside his comfort zone.
But while he did much,
There's still one he won't touch.
Will he ever set cheek on the thrown?
Even Kip had harsh words to say
When we hit construction on the bay,
His attitude sours
After nearly two hours.
Got to love BC workers, eh?
While driving back to Vancouver,
JSA had to use the groover.
So rather than dally,
They found him an alley.
The trip into town was much smoother.
Our good friends Vince and Mike
Chose rest rather than hike.
So at the Turtle Pink
They settled in to drink
Who will old age next strike?
Our rookie Joe was really boss
When the river he tried to cross.
But down he did float,
So he yelled for the boat.
Strong swimming is his albatross.
The cables stretch into the sky,
And that’s where Richard thought he’d die.
But in Carrie’s hands
He finally could stand.
A massage like that you can’t buy.
Larry too the cables did scare,
But at 8,000 feet he faced his fear.
So with his eyes closed,
Up the cables he rose.
Why? Because it’s there.
Glacier point was quite a blast.
No one though Harry would last.
But he was not ashamed
When Barna complained
“Slow down, you’re hiking too fast.”
Another year is now behind
And memories are all you'll find,
But that's how it goes
And everyone knows,
Our stories get better with time.
So 'till next year when our ode is amended,
We hope we have no one offended.
Love us you gotta,
We're Entrada Regatta.
All is well that is well ended.